I’ve made it a sort of tradition to write about myself around my birthday. This kind of sounds like I’m full of myself, haha, but I like to reflect on the past year.
My 24th year of life has been kind of uneventful. Last year, I got a diagnoses and all kinds of things happened, this year, it has been quite boring and uneventful. And it has been kind of sad. It’s not like nothing happened, but I got sick a lot. I got hypothermia thanks to my work in the bookshop (it’s a talent), I got new meds that made me sick, I got my heart broken which made me feel ill, and right now I’m writing this as I’m home because I got a stomach bug, haha! But it’s ok to have an uneventful year. It doesn’t have to be excitement and life changes every year, it’s nice to quiet down once in a while, haha!
A dream job doesn’t make a dream life
So, I got my dream job this year! And I lost it after only 2 months. It has been kind of unfair (even my coworker thought so!) and it has been weird. They were really enthusiastic and promised me that I could keep my job, so I quit my job as a bookseller. In the same week my contract at the bookseller ended, my dream job said : “ok we don’t need you anymore!” so it has been tough. But I’ve got a job now, so don’t worry! 😉
Losing a pet hurts. A lot.
My little baby angel Saar died in April. I miss her. A lot. Saar was the perfect cat, she was funny, sweet and incredibly grateful. She even liked going to the vet! She was only in our life for 4 months. Not long enough. She died while I was comforting her. We were all around her. And I still cry about it. Losing her has been tough. Really tough. It wasn’t her time yet, at all, and it has been so quiet at our place. I miss her.
Writing a book is a lot of fun.
I wrote a book in my 24th year of life, and it got published! I worked with my favourite illustrator ever and I’m so glad they worked with me! I wrote it to help adults with explaining depression to children but unfortunately it isn’t the biggest of successes. However, I’m really glad I wrote it and as long as I can help 1 family, I’m happy!
Asking for help is ok.
Ok, this is gonna get personal. I’ve been depressed for a long time. When I went to a psychiatric professional when I was 18, I had to fill in a questionnaire but missed 1 point to get help. They just told me “to get back when it gets worse!”, which made me really upset and angry and I never went back. My boyfriend has been pushing me to go back to someone just to talk and I didn’t want to. However, at around June, I decided to go. I was too afraid to go outside, I didn’t even do groceries because I was too scared, how stupid is that! I locked myself in and didn’t want to see anyone. However, the lovely weather made me sad. I wanted to go outside and have fun like other people! I decided to go see my GP. They made me fill in the questionable again, and I hit full score. On all fronts. My GP was even surprised because he didn’t expect that at all. I always seem so happy and he thought I didn’t ‘look or sound depressed’ but it just goes to show that looks can deceive. I always pretend to be happy because I didn’t want people to worry about me, nor did I want to make other people sad. You never know what people are going through so I wanted to make other people happy, so they never ever felt the same sadness as I did. I’m on medication now and oh my WORD I feel so much better. I can even go outside on my own without any panic attacks!!!! I’m just hitting myself for not doing it sooner. Now, medication isn’t for everyone, but it is for me. There’s a long waiting list for psychiatric help, and I won’t see a professional until November, but I’m feeling so much better already. The only downside to these pills is that I yawn a lot, which makes me look really rude, haha! If there’s one thing I learned this year it’s that asking for help is ok. I’m not there yet, I’m still anxiety ridden, but I’m a lot more calm now and it’s like I can finally breathe again.
I lost all interest in my hobbies, I haven’t read in a while, I haven’t knitted in a while, I don’t even watch shows anymore or nothing, all because the depression made me feel like absolute shite. With these meds I can finally enjoy my things again. I am reading again, though not in the same amount as I used to, I’m knitting again (started my first big project in months!) and I’m watching shows again (which makes my boyfriend really happy, haha!) it’s amazing what just a small little pill can do and I’m so, so, so happy I’m getting back to myself again!
Pet love is the best love
I felt really alone after losing Saar. She was deaf, so she was screaming all the time, because she couldn’t hear herself! That’s what I liked the most about her. I noticed Mathilda being really lonely, she loves her big sister but Wijn doesn’t like to play anymore, she’s almost 5 already and not really happy to play with a 2 y/o! I wanted to look into becoming foster parents for kittens and cats and we found Bram. Terror Bram. It was love at first sight. Bram is a family name and he totally is living up to it! He’s most hyperactive cat I’ve ever met. He’s really quiet, never makes a sound unless food’s involved, but is a true explorer. He loves me so much. He bites my finger to show me how much he loves me and it’s the cutest thing ever. As you know, I’m obsessed with my cats and nothing will ever ever EVER replace Saar, but life has been a lot more interesting with Bram in it!